Unicorn Tears and HRC's Candidacy

If you watch the TM, you undoubtedly have heard about Obama's lead in every conceivable metric, but what they refuse to tell you, is that Hillary's campaign is leading by a 3 to 1 margin in the most important measure (according to her campaign)... unicorn tears. That's right, while she trails by almost 200 delegates (including John Edwards'), she leads by over 200 million unicorn tears. She is currently in possession of over 600 million confirmed unicorn tears against a paltry 196 million UNCONFIRMED unicorn tears amassed by the Obama campaign. While she has provided certificates of authenticity for 599,996,648 unicorn tears (as of time of post), Barack has yet to authenticate a single one. Suspicious? Andrea Mitchell thinks so. For even more reasons to doubt the viability of Obama's candidacy, follow me below the fold.

Unconfirmed sources have reported to various unreliable Clinton shills that she has also garnered nearly 99.9% of the much sought ceramic roaming gnome vote, which is essential to a democratic victory this November. These gnomes have renounced and rejected Obama's candidacy much in the same way that many other groups have. We can recall the non-college educated working class over 45 making less than $50k a year living in the rustbelt vote, and how it has doomed Obama's candidacy.

Listen, it's oh so simple, as outlined on MyDD, if Obama cannot outpace HRC in the unicorn tear count, the roaming gnome count, and finally the non-college educated working class over 45 making less than $50k a year living in the rustbelt vote, how can he win the general election? Finally Hillary also leads in the lack of John Edwards endorsements, and as we all know this is the only metric by which we choose our democratic nominees.

We need to take a look at the imaginary metrics that Hillary's campaign embraces, because if we don't we might choose our democratic nominee by the rules our party has set forth. How trite would that be?